Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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