just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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