Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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