literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
