Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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