Pappa wants mamma naked
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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