I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
