her vagine was all disorganized.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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