My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
