I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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