Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
