epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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