I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
