that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
