nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Is it because I queefed?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
