the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
