just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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