I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
