You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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