this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
