What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
