One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
