I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
