Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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