bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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