im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
