i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
