i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
