I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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