Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
