great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
