I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
