I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
