dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
