He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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