Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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