i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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