I wish I only lived at night.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
