Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
