I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
