I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
