69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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