I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
