3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
