Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
