you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
