I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
