my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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