I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
