kristin has been a bad kristin
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
