So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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