We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
