so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
