I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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