1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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