Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
