I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
