first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I will pee on everything he values.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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