it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
