is your mom at the bar?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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