yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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