There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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