i already hear my dad disowning me
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
