i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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