So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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