I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
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We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
