Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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