He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
