im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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