I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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