"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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