So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize