I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
