Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
