I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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