Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
