He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
