my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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