Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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