I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
