I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
