i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
