oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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