He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize