Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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