Pants 0. Shit 1.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
