Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
