I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
