I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
