That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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