It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize