I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
