I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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