so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize