nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize