Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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