Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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