I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
