To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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