I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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